I had planned on making today a 100% fun day since it is Valentine’s Day (not that that matters to me… single girl status) and I saw a survey floating around for awhile now, started by this amazing girl that always provides me with tons of inspiration. I always forget that she’s actually my younger brother’s age but I feel like we’re bff’s. Anyways, that will have to be pushed to tomorrow. Have to go with the flow, ya catch my drift?
Why? Because this week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I can’t go into a lot of details but let’s just say that on Monday, Christine and I were up until 4:30am (Tuesday) helping out a friend. It wasn’t all bad and it was certainly an adventure of a night but it really took it out of both of us mentally. It came just in time for Tuesday’s workout which our coach prefaced by saying it was going to be the most difficult workout of the season. Cool, Coach, cool. As your team is struggling big time and running on virtually no sleep (3 hours for me), you expect us to run our best? I don’t think so.
I got to practice and was literally delusional. I’m pretty sure I was laughing at things that made no sense and was running on pure adrenaline so I didn’t think it was going to go well. We did 1000 pace, 800 under pace, 1000 pace, 800 under pace, 1000 pace, 400 all out. We consistently hit our splits which was a huge improvement over our last 1000s workout where we were 10 seconds off and I was amazed. I was, dare I say it, feeling pretty good?
And then the ball dropped. How much more could I give? That second 800 did me in. I finished it just under pace. The second I crossed the line, though, I couldn’t breathe. I panicked, gasping for breath that wasn’t coming. I started crying and couldn’t get ahold of myself. The longer it took for my breath to come back, the more I panicked, prolonging the cycle.
This hasn’t happened to me since I quit swimming when I was having panic attacks on a pretty regular basis. It was always the worst on sets where we were supposed to go “balls to the wall” hard. I have never experienced anything like it with running and I think that’s what scared me so much.
We nailed the last 1000, still very shaken up but I was able to put it aside to not disappoint my coach or myself.
Until the last 400 came. Our coach kept saying “Give it everything you’ve got. This is the end of the workout. This one is all out.” I pushed it and did come in well under my usual 400 pace but I came across the finish line and it happened again.
This time it was worse, though, and the restricted breathing lasted longer, throwing me into more of a panic. Thankfully, I have some amazing teammates who walked with me for a lap and helped me realize what had just happened. I was having panic attacks because “all out” is my trigger phrase. When I heard that, all of the bad memories and pressure I had from swimming came rushing back and I was having trouble separating the two.
I am able to shake off these feelings the minute the workout is over, but what scares me is the idea of them coming back. Because they have never happened before, I didn’t think it would ever be an issue with running which is a huge part of the reason I switched sports this year. Now that I know it’s following me, I have to evaluate whether or not this had something to do with being way overtired or if there’s much more going on.
So for this week’s installment of thankful thursday brought to you by Jessie, I’m saying thank you to all of my friends, including all of you, who are so supportive and willing to help me whenever I need it. I have a lot of trouble asking for help and it’s nice that I have people that don’t even need me to ask. They come to me and know exactly what’s wrong.
Have you ever experienced a panic attack? What do you do to get out of them?
Do you have trouble asking for help?
I’ve suffered from anxiety off and on for years, and is always been the “out of control” feeling that really pushes me over the edge. I have some emergency chill-pills if I get triggered, which does help me feel like I have a line of defense and some degree of control. Medicating mental illness is a really personal decision though! I think it’s really powerful that you’ve been able to identify your trigger and that you’ve got such an awesome sport system. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m not a big medication person although I do have some “stress tabs” that I take when I need them before exams and things. I may start using them before meets but they’re totally a natural relaxer, not prescription or anything.
Sometimes just the placebo-effect of having a bottle of pills in my backpack is all I need to get through things– I think natural pills could provide that support, too! It’s feeling a tiny bit more “in control” than you are without the option. I definitely understand not being big on medication, it took a long time for me to feel comfortable with them and sometimes I still lapse and am upset with myself for “resorting to pills”– but that’s life.
I used to get panic attacks very, very frequently. Try writing a university midterm or trying to act normally on a date with a guy you have a HUGE crush on through a massive panic attack … not possible. They were ruining my life, quite literally. Something that was completely within the realm of my personal control was derailing me.
The attacks were finally resolved when I was put on anti-anxiety medication and started seeing a psychologist to learn how to cope with the overwhelming thoughts that incited them. Eventually, my coping abilities became stronger and I was weaned off the medication. Do I still panic and worry? Most definitely, but it no longer impedes me from truly living life.
I’m beyond ecstatic that you’re willing to make strides in overcoming your difficulties and struggles. There is nothing more inspirational than a committment to oneself.
That would definitely be extremely difficult to do. I think worrying is part of our personalities but there becomes an extent to which it is just too extreme. It’s good to know that you are able to cope with it mostly on your own now. Gives the rest of us some hope
love that you’re able to recognize this AND have the support around you that you need to calm you down! we’ve got your back girl, even if it’s just figuratively
Thank you!! I have some pretty amazing friends and family.
Wow, I’ve never experienced anything like that with running. I hope that you never have to struggle through that again. I can’t believe you did that workout on three hours of sleep honestly. I know when collegiate sports it’s so frowned upon to skip practice but I think that would have been a day I would.
My coach knew about it and wouldn’t let us miss the workout. He was so stuck in his way that we had no other choice but we made it through and honestly, I think he learned his lesson too even though we hit every split.
Goodness Sarah, that must have been an awful experience, both times, yikes! I have personally never experienced something like this, but I did watch some teammates have similar attacks during cross country season when we did hell-workouts like that. Well they were a bit longer distances with a slower pace for XC! Sometimes I really miss those days…
Anyway, it’s nuts you did a workout like that on so little sleep, that may have contributed! Talk to your coach and perhaps take a day off, or ease up for an extra day
I think it might have had a lot to do with the sleep too. I took yesterday off (besides aqua jogging) so that was probably a good idea. I hope it never happens again though!
I’ve had one panic attack and it was awful. It’s important to know what triggers you and have a game plan for calming down. Hope you have a nice, calm vday
I just need to come up with that plan now
Thanks, I hope yours is good too!
That sounds like such a scary experience! I have never had a panic attack, but there are times that I have been completely overwhelmed and I definitely have trouble asking for help.
I don’t know if mine was a full blown one but it was definitely something I’d rather not have to experience again
Ugh, panic attacks are never fun. In high school I suffered a lot from anxiety and depression, so I used to get them. Awkward thing to happen in the middle of gym class. I was on anti-depressants for about a year, which definitely helped, but I did wean myself off of them. I’m glad that you realized what your trigger phrase is, could you maybe explain this to your coach ask him/her to use different wording in practice?
Oh god I can’t imagine being in the middle of gym class. It was at least just my team when it happened to me. And I actually plan on it. I think we’ll be able to work something out so it doesn’t happen again.
Aw girl I’m so sorry to hear this
I’ve had two-three panic attacks a few years ago, and they were probably some of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced. I had to get out of where I was at the time and go outside for a walk to calm down and breathe fresh air, which helped a lot…not sure if that’s an option for something like that, but it might be worth a try
It was terrifying just trying to breathe again but walking definitely calmed me down afterwards.
Wow Thats REALLY scary!
It was but it’s over.
I have never experienced one myself but I know a ton of people who have and they are very very real! I hope you never have to go through that again. Sorry I don’t have much advice
That’s okay! I don’t have much advice for myself either haha I just have to try to remember to stay calm so it doesn’t happen again. Thank you!
oh god I hate panic attacks! I had one in the middle of class this week. I just left the class and sat on a bench outside until I calmed down. Just gotta remember that they ALWAYS pass!
Oh my gosh that is really scary. And you’re right- they do pass. I don’t have much experience with them but when they do I need to remember that.
Gah–I wish we could be real life friends. When I swam I would have panic attacks on the daily. I remember when the college kids were home, I was about 14 or 15 and the main set was 22x250s.. at a ridiculous fast interval. I kept right along but afterwards I couldn’t breathe and was hyperventilating.
To this day I still get anxiety attacks when I get real stressed. I have not yet identified the trigger but I will get excruciating pains in my left side (right by my heart). Not only is it painful, but I can’t breathe, which makes me scared–it’s a vicious cycle!
I usually try to relax (which is nearly impossible), take deep breaths, and find my happy place. If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to contact me
<3
Oh god that is MISERABLE! I think the first time I had one was when we did 10x100s all out alternating free and stroke. Thanks for your suggestions! Finding that happy place is a great tip
MAN do I know what you are going through. Swimming would do this to me all the time. It was that same phrase too “ALL OUT”. I would crumble. Fall to bits. I could do hard workouts all the time, but as soon as our coaches pulled us out to talk about how this last set was “ALL OUT” “Everything you’ve got, until you literally have nothing more to give” especially if we’d just done something really hard, I would just totally freak. I think its important to talk to your coach about this. As scary as that is, it is part of his job to know that makes you tic, and how to push you to failure without triggering a paralytic response. I’m glad your teammates were there to help you out, and I’m thinking of you!
I’m definitely planning on talking to him. He doesn’t realize what happened yet, just thinks I was tired from pushing myself hard, but it’s amazing how those two little words can have such a huge and lasting impact on you.
Anxiety is never fun- it’s physically and emotionally exhausted. Take care of yourself! Take a rest, do fun things, and enjoy what you’re doing. Xoxoxo!
Thank you!!
I was going to offer you my favorite bit of advice from Dory in Finding Nemo (“just keep swimming”), but then I realized that the association probably wouldn’t help your anxiety :\ So, I’m just going to tell you breathe, relax, and take care of yourself. Maybe take a nice hot bubble bath tonight? You earned it – happy Valentine’s day!
Hehe I like that one. Nemo always makes you feel better! But thanks girl
I’ve suffered from panic attacks & anxiety since I was in high school. It is a very REAL and very SCARY experience – I’m so sorry you had to go through it! It’s very difficult to explain, and unless someone has experienced it themselves, it can be hard to understand. I think the biggest thing is, you realize what triggered it and that is a HUGE step. Keep your head up girl!!
I agree that it’s hard to explain but once you’ve had them, you know exactly what that person is feeling. Thank you!!
Panic attacks were quite frequent with me, I think it was a combination of totally stressing myself out, not taking care of myself and overall having my mind in a million places. I hope you feel better today!
I’m feeling much better, thank you!
I’m sorry to hear about this! So scary. I’ve heard deep breathing helps but I’m sure it’s not easy.
It definitely helped once I had calmed down enough to breathe in. But at first I couldn’t take in any air which was part of the problem.
Oh wow, that’s really scary. I can’t believe it happened twice. I’m sure running (no pun intended) on such little sleep may have contributed, but I agree with Hollie and Tessa about making taking a day off practice if it becomes too much. I had a panic attack a few years ago along with some prolonged anxiety and issues, and ended up out of work for a week on medical leave (not at my current job, and I’m pretty open about things now). Just take care of yourself a lot this week *hugs*
That sounds really scary! Lack-of-sleep could definitely have contributed but make sure to take extra special care of yourself this week. You deserve it
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I’ve had three panic attacks and they’ve all been brought on by more than 1 type of stress. Usually it was a mix of school, work, relationship, food, etc. and they would all just hit me at once and I just couldn’t cope. I managed to calm myself back down from all of them but it is really scary when it’s happening. Hang in there!
Oh yes. Stress was definitely part of the problem and it was just perpetuated by those past memories. Terrifying to say the least. Afterwards I felt fine,too! But at the time? Nothing could calm me down. Thanks girl <3
Aw, thanks for the shoutout, girlie. You gotta do what you gotta do
I’m sorry you had such an crappy experience. My friend used to get panic attacks with swimming, so my heart just goes out to you. It sounds like you’re pushing through it though, which is the important thing. I’ll be wishing you good thoughts now and as the week progresses. Remember that you’re always doing way better than you think. Have a good day, Sarah. 
Thanks so much girl! I’m feeling much better now that i’ve caught up on sleep and have had a couple of days since it happened. Survey tomorrow
Fortunately, I’ve never had a panic attack. But I’m so sorry to hear that you did
Sounds like you have some pretty amazing friends that helped you through it though. And I definitely have trouble asking for help, I have a hard time putting my pride aside and letting people into my life.
Asking for help is a really hard lesson to learn. I still haven’t gotten to the point yet where I’m comfortable reaching out to people when I need to. Hopefully eventually we both reach a point where we can and not feeling like we’re “failing”.
Ohh my gosh, I can only imagine how scary this is!! I have never had a panic attack before (knock on wood) but have had the breath sucked out of me a couple times. Being unable to breathe is one of my biggest fears!!! I also have a hugee difficulty asking for help at times. I think you should really pay attention to these feelings and if that phase triggers you, just know that YOU cannot always go all out..sometimes you have to neck it back! Your coach should understand and if he/she doesn’t then there is another issue.
I agree. He’s generally a pretty understanding guy so I just need to sit down and fill him in on my thoughts to avoid it happening again!
Eeesh, panic attacks are no fun. I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was five or six (so, as far as I’m concerned, pretty much my whole life). Thunderstorms are usually my trigger, particularly when I’m outside during one. That’s actually when I had my first what I consider to be a panic attack — I was at a University of Michigan football game (large, open area, metal bleachers…yeah. Not good) and a thunderstorm came up. I don’t usually have the breathing trouble, which is why I don’t know if my panic attacks count as a “real” panic attack, but I start sobbing just absolutely uncontrollably–I can’t even begin to describe it…I legitimately cannot stop, and you’d think my eyes were literal faucets because there are SO many tears haha–and I lose my ability to think. Being in a super stressful situation can set me off too, though. I blew a tire once on some janky railroad tracks and when my dad asked what road I was on, I literally could not recall its name, other than that it started with an S, even though this was a road I had been on well over 1000 times in my life. It’s scary business! In all of my panic attacks it’s just been something that has to run its course, although that’s not easy to remember when in the heat of the moment. I really hope this doesn’t happen to you again while running!
I don’t know what a panic attack is either, exactly. I feel like it’s different for anyone. But I’m scared of all of thunderstorms too. I hate being outside in them so much. And being on the side of the road I’d totally break down crying. It really does have to just kind of pass though. There’s not a whole lot you can do at that exact moment.
LOVE your animations and some e cards. They crack me up!
Haha thanks
I’ve had a handful of panic attacks over the years and honest to God thought I was having a heart attack every single time. They’re seriously some of the scariest things ever, and I’m sorry to hear that you had to deal with one
Honestly, though? The lack of sleep and physical exertion probably contributed to it a lot… Our bodies have a way harder time keeping stress hormones in check when we’re tired, and pairing that with a huge amount of physical strain is just asking for trouble. Take care of yourself, hun <3
I’m sure it had to do with sleep. You’re right. I’ve caught up on sleep a lot this week so hopefully I’m able to contain myself from now on!
Panic attacks are the worst. I got one for the first time this summer and they’ve been on and off ever since it happened once. I agree with Amanda, though, and it was probably due to being exhausted and your body had just had enough for the day. Our bodies have funny ways of telling us they’ve had enough physically/mentally. Keep taking deep breathes and talking with your teammates – That is what makes being part of a team great!
Thanks girl! She’s totally right. I was way overtired so hopefully now that I’m caught up on sleep things will get better!
I’ve had panic attacks before, but never while running. I would be freaking out (thus making it worse). But I’m glad you’re okay and have amazing people to help get you out of it. Some things that help me with them: Getting outside because I usually feel suffocated or weighed down during an attack, sitting on the floor and feeling my butt or feet on the floor and breathing into a paper bag. I hope these don’t happen to you anymore!
Thanks for the suggestions!! I was already outside but that’s all really great advice
Panic attacks are so scary. Thankfully I haven’t had many, but yes, I’ve had them. When I was with my family I remember a few times my dad bringing me a paper bag to breathe into. That really helps. Deep breathing also helps sometimes. Like just shaking it all out.
I think you did great with just walking it out. I hope like you said that this doesn’t become a regular thing with your workouts, but now that you’ve identified it, I bet it will be a lot easier next time.
I think I’ll be better able to prepare for it next time. It doesn’t usually happen so I’m sure it won’t become a regular occurrence if I don’t let myself dwell on it. Thanks!
Yikes, lady! Sorry to hear about the drama lately. I’ve suffered from panic attacks before a few times. It’s not pretty
Hope you feel better soon & Happy Valentine’s day!
I’m feeling much better… thanks!!
i can completely relate to feeling panic because of “old feelings” coming back. i think i’ve mentioned this to you before, that whenever i get REALLY hungry, i experience a lot of panicky feelings and anxiety both mentally and physically that can’t be relieved until i’m eating something and know i’m giving my body the nourishment it needs. same goes for exercising – if i’m exercising and i start feeling hungry at all, i start panicking and have to leave. i think it’s good to have an association between hunger and “bad” because it shows i know my previous worse ED habits were unhealthy but the panic is hard to escape from when you first start feeling it. sometimes even fear of a panic attack is enough to exacerbate one if i feel it coming on. the deep breaths are huge as well as mindfulness about when they tend to come on. i now try to make sure i always have a snack on me so that i don’t let myself get to that point of hunger that scares me – a preventative measure.
I think you have said that before. It’s amazing how in tune our body is now to know where it does NOT want to go. I do the same thing with keeping a snack on me. Now I just need to find a similar trick for running anxiety!
I got one once randomly while reading/thinking about my life a few weeks ago. Not fun girl I feel yah
Oh god that’s almost worse worrying about your life! They Are never fun, ever.
Make sure you do not droop your shoulders! This happened to me before in a workout and it was because I was drooping my shoulders and being very tense in my neck!
Thanks for that tip! That’s really helpful
Oh girl, I have had so many teammates that had panic attacks. I wish I knew how to change them! Just so happy that you have the support!
Thank you! It’s scary for anyone but hopefully I can figure it out soon
I used to get panic attacks and I’d usually chew mint gum (I ALWAYS had some on me in case of a panic attack!) Now I don’t get them nearly as often, but when I do I know exactly what to expect so I sort of welcome them calmly because I know that they’re going to pass
That’s a really good idea! I have stress tabs that I should keep with me at all times. It might help me stay sane!
ohhh wow that definitely must be scary. I get panic attacks but not on a regular basis – and actually not related to training, running actually helps me diffuse a lot of built up stress. It’s more the academic stuff that gets me, and the only fix is just to drop everything and go for a run or hit the gym. I think a big part of this particular one was the lack of sleep – BUT if “all out” is indeed a trigger phrase for you, then probably a good way to get past these attacks is to work on turning that phrase into something different in your mind – like actively working on changing what it means to you into a positive, motivating meaning. I’m not sure exactly how you’d go about doing it (I’m no therapist), but it sounds WAY better than pills – that re-wiring of your brain would temporarily solve the problem and not just mask it, ya know? Anyway I’m glad you’re okay – a couple good confidence-boosting workouts/runs and you’ll be back on track
(oh and sleep….lol)
Thanks girl! I’m definitely back on track and have had some great runs this week. I’m the same way where running is usually my biggest stress reliever but I think the combination of a stressful workout and a lack of sleep really did me in. Those are some great tips that I’ll totally work on if it happens again
I used to get horrible panic attacks after competing in cheer competitions. I don’t know if it was the adrenaline or the fear of not performing well but it was scary! Hopefully this doesn’t become a routine thing! So happy you have the support of your teammates…and of course all of us!
I think it is definitely a combination of both of those things for me! I am very lucky to have so much support in my life. You guys all mean the world to me
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O girl I am so sorry this is occurring. I had a panic attack last year and they are scary especially when you cannot pinpoint what is that is causing them. I think you need to look into this a little deeper and find out what is really getting to you, if it was the sleep OK, but maybe it is something deeper. I am here if you need to open up <3
It is the memories from swimming that did it for me. I used to have them in the pool on a daily basis towards the end and it was the same phrase that triggered it. I don’t think it was the lack of sleep although I think that helped contribute to it. It was the stress of the workout that really did it for me.
Oh girl, I just want to give you a hug. My psych brain instantly kicked in reading this post and I’m curious if you’ve thought of going to therapy (it’s a thought provoking question, I’m not looking for answer). Panic attacks are serious business and can be very dangerous. The lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion may have played a big part in it surfacing but the scary thing is that it was lurking under the surface the entire time. Talking to someone can help you work through it instead of just pushing it back under the surface. Sorry if this came across preachy, I just hate that it happened to you.
Oh no I have actually been seriously considering it! It’s nice to hear someone with that psych background who knows what’s going on. Thank you!!!
I’m SUPER behind reading so get excited to get a comment on your posts from the weekend haha – It’s great you figured out what the trigger is because hopefully you can own it and figure out a way to beat it. Great job on your times though and it just goes to show you can beast it out under pressure!
Hahah while I was in class my phone buzzed like a thousand times. Love it