Really, what is it?
…running a PR every race?
…getting straight A’s and a 4.0 every semester?
…doing exactly what you’re told or what you think is expected of you?
…wearing the exact right clothing from a certain store?
…fitting into a size zero or two from said store?
…pretending to be happy all. the. time?
…not showing your emotions when life isn’t rainbows and butterflies?
…making sure you eat a 100% “healthy” diet all the time?
…telling everyone you’re great when you’re not?
No. None of those things is “perfect.”
This is something I continue to struggle with everyday. I, like many of you, I suspect, have an extremely type-A personality. I can’t just be average at something, I have to go above and beyond any expectation. A lot of times, those expectations aren’t coming from anyone other than myself.
A lot of you have pointed out that I’m too hard on myself. I know that I am. My parents never grounded me as a kid because “I put more pressure on myself than they could ever put on me.” Not that I would ever dream of doing anything to disobey them. I was terrified of screwing up. To this day, they still wait for that first time I do something “wrong”.
Why am I saying this now? Because it’s something that has become mentally exhausting for me. As much as I would love to be that spontaneous, fun-loving college student, I’m not. I’m the girl that would rather work myself into the ground, fill up my schedule so that I have no free time to think for myself, run for miles until I see my times drop, and constantly reprimand myself for making a less “healthy” choice for dessert. Are any of those things fun? No. Am I any closer to being “perfect”? Absolutely not. I have reached a point where I need to find that spontaneity, that college student underneath the facade.
I need to put myself out there, try things that challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone. I need to let go of my past blemishes that taint my perfect reputation. I need to let go of the discomfort surrounding trying anything new, such as foods, exercises, meal times, nights out with friends. All of it. I need to take a step back into my childhood and re-learn.
Re-learn to enjoy life.
It isn’t going to be easy. Not at all, actually. The idea of it terrifies me. But it will be the only way to get to where I want to go. So I challenge those of you who are like me and afraid of failure to just let it go.
This is my freEDom for the week and it’s my goal to challenge myself each and every day. I’m not talking about cliff diving, either. Just make those small changes that will bring me one step closer to my goal of a more laid-back life that I can enjoy living.
Who’s with me?
What’s your FreEDom?