Really, what is it?
Is it…
…running a PR every race?
…getting straight A’s and a 4.0 every semester?
…doing exactly what you’re told or what you think is expected of you?
…wearing the exact right clothing from a certain store?
…fitting into a size zero or two from said store?
…pretending to be happy all. the. time?
…not showing your emotions when life isn’t rainbows and butterflies?
…making sure you eat a 100% “healthy” diet all the time?
…telling everyone you’re great when you’re not?
No. None of those things is “perfect.”
This is something I continue to struggle with everyday. I, like many of you, I suspect, have an extremely type-A personality. I can’t just be average at something, I have to go above and beyond any expectation. A lot of times, those expectations aren’t coming from anyone other than myself.
A lot of you have pointed out that I’m too hard on myself. I know that I am. My parents never grounded me as a kid because “I put more pressure on myself than they could ever put on me.” Not that I would ever dream of doing anything to disobey them. I was terrified of screwing up. To this day, they still wait for that first time I do something “wrong”.
Why am I saying this now? Because it’s something that has become mentally exhausting for me. As much as I would love to be that spontaneous, fun-loving college student, I’m not. I’m the girl that would rather work myself into the ground, fill up my schedule so that I have no free time to think for myself, run for miles until I see my times drop, and constantly reprimand myself for making a less “healthy” choice for dessert. Are any of those things fun? No. Am I any closer to being “perfect”? Absolutely not. I have reached a point where I need to find that spontaneity, that college student underneath the facade.
I need to put myself out there, try things that challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone. I need to let go of my past blemishes that taint my perfect reputation. I need to let go of the discomfort surrounding trying anything new, such as foods, exercises, meal times, nights out with friends. All of it. I need to take a step back into my childhood and re-learn.
Re-learn to enjoy life.
It isn’t going to be easy. Not at all, actually. The idea of it terrifies me. But it will be the only way to get to where I want to go. So I challenge those of you who are like me and afraid of failure to just let it go.
This is my freEDom for the week and it’s my goal to challenge myself each and every day. I’m not talking about cliff diving, either. Just make those small changes that will bring me one step closer to my goal of a more laid-back life that I can enjoy living.
Who’s with me?
What’s your FreEDom?
Oh wow. this post is fantastic, an I can relate to this in so many ways!
I’ve got a type a personality to boot, and everything I try, I have to be better at, push harder, never fail.. and if I don’t live up to my expectations, I beat myself up for it;
hence how I ran myself into the ground LITERALLY and now ended up injured!
I’ve learned now that I need to be more nurturing of myself, realize I’m not perfect OR invincible, and you’re right;
just loosen up and enjoy life and relax!
I do the same thing with beating myself up and running myself into the ground. I’ll be emailing you back later. Today is the busiest day of the week for me!
This is such a great and honest post! I think many people can relate to everything you have said but it’s definitely a hard thing to acknowledge. I need to work on letting things go and relaxing more to enjoy life, too!
I think that there is a lot that everyone can work on. I know I’m not alone in this which is part of why I decided to post it.
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Ever since I realized it in myself, I know that the most perfect people are the least happy. Have you ever seen a little kid with a dirty shirt and chocolate pudding all over his face crying? Have you ever seen a prim little princess with perfect hair and white Mary Janes and an exquisitely pressed party dress ever having any kind of fun?
Believe me, I was in your shoes less than six months ago. I don’t know when or how it happened, but I just kind of let go. My co-workers are still asking themselves (and me) when the giant stick was removed from my … tukus. Life is better these days. I’m fallible and imperfect and I love myself more than ever.
Hahahaha that is SO PERFECT! I’m totally that kid with the chocolate all over my face. I’ve seen that giant turnaround happen in you and I’m ready for it to happen to me too.
way to go girl – way to realize this and try to make a change. i’m feeling exactly the same way and had a conversation with tex about it. a year and a half ago i made a hell of a lot more “unhealthy” choices but i was also a lot happier and thought less about every single choice i made. i’ve been wondering which life was better. sure i’m skinnier/in better shape/”healthier” now, but is my life really better? probably not…just more “perfect”. and chelsie is exactly right – i’d sort of rather be the sloppy kid with the pudding on his shirt
I want to be that sloppy kid too. The more ice cream and cheese puffs the better if you ask me. We can do it together.
I love this. It’s kinda what I was talking about yesterday. I have a very type A personality as well and it is s difficult for me to just let things go, go with the flow, and LIVE my life rather than just going through the motions.
That’s exactly what I’m ready to start trying to do. I know we can and it will so much more enjoyable if we do.
Beautiful. And it is wonderful that you have recognized that there pieces you want to let go and let yourself be free. Is a type-A personality a bad thing? No. So many of us are, but there is definitely a line to that obsessiveness. You know I struggle with this. But you know what there are a few things I am incorporating in my life that I am by no means the best at and never want to be the best at. And they make me so happy on those stressful days. It is our imperfections (or what we think are imperfect) that make us beautiful.
You’re so right. I think the more we push those boundaries, the more imperfect we’ll be.
Such a good post.
Letting go is the hardest thing possible. You have become so accustomed to the monotony of this life that nothing seems fun because you want that ‘perfection’ so badly…when the funny part is, you have no idea what that perfection is. And neither do I, and neither do I bet most of the people who read your blog or who talk to you on a daily basis. It’s certainly not just an easy thing to do, or no one would struggle, ever!
Hopefully our pizza date (which WILL happen, for real) on Sunday will change things around. Oh, and dropping tons of time at conferences? That too! And while those things are great, you have to understand that they are great because they are great. They’re not just a stepping stone for some greater perfection, they’re great on their own accord.
Of course the English major says it better than I ever could dream of
But yes. Pizza and dropping times will be happening. We just have to believe it and let those imperfect splits in the middle of the race not mess with our heads.
Great post Sarah! Perfection doesn’t exist…but happiness sure does. I hope you’re able to let go more and stop being so hard on yourself. Life is short, live a little and push yourself to try more new things. Although from the posts I’ve been reading from you lately, it sounds like you’re already starting to do that. It’ll be hard at first, but anything that’s worth it is
I’m definitely trying really hard these days to do it! Eventually I’ll get there- thanks
Great post Sarah! Perfection is overrated – constantly striving for perfection does not lead to happiness for anyone. I’d rather focus on truly enjoying life!
It really is. I’d rather be my ridiculous self who makes stupid comments and spills food all over them
You are so right in all of this, Sarah. I have a really similar personality and can be way too hard on myself as well. I hope you are able to let it go & enjoy living
Great post!!
Thanks girl! I hope you can too.
Perfection for me is a good meal with the people I love!
And no midterms ; ).
Sometimes I forget that the point of life is to be happy NOW. The point isn’t to beat myself up so I can be happy in the future. Enjoying life is awesome. There’s no reason not to!
Ooooh a good meal and midterms. Yes, that sounds pretty perfect
so first off it is funny to hear that your parents didn’t ground you, my parents didn’t ground me either for that reason exactly. if I messed up, I would beat myself up enough about it, it really wasn’t worth it. i can relate to this idea of learning to enjoy life again. I spent way too long in a dark place that is hard to know what it feels like to be a whole person again, one that can share her smile and love with others. I am sure you will find this peace, I actually know you will but it will take a lot of self love, compassion and asking for help.
It’s amazing how similar we are. Hearing you talk about your story and continually reach out is a big part of what is motivating me to do this, learn to live life, and stop just going through the motions every day.
Perfection is such a subjective thing. What is “perfect” to one person may be nothing of the kind to another. I think it’s all about redefining your version of perfect so that you fit into it just the way you are
That’s so true. Everybody is different and everybody’s idea of perfect is different. I definitely need to remember that.
Perfection is a malevolent, abstract notion that’s meant to make perfectly wonderful people feel like absolute sh*t about themselves. In short, it’s garbage.
I’ve struggled with perfection for as long as I can remember too, and had basically the same situation as you did growing up. My parents were never hard on me because I was more strict on myself than they could ever be. I had a really hard time letting loose, but I did go through a period in my late teens where I kind of rebelled against that. Unfortunately, it came back hardcore in the form of an ED, buuuuut recovering from that really taught me a lot about letting go of the idea that I have to work hard to make things perfect, because in reality, they already are.
I guess my ED was my form of rebellion too. I never thought of it like that. That’s part of why I’m realizing now that it’s okay for things to go wrong. Everything will work out in the end.
I love this. I have a hard time letting my downfalls go like you too. We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. It’s strange because being hard on ourselves makes us great in many ways but it can also make us crazy. Balance, where are you?
I know we’ll find it. It’s just so difficult. I know I perform better under pressure but not to the point where I crash and burn.
Refreshing post. I tend to lean on the Type A side myself so I constantly have to remind myself that its okay to be imperfect. Imperfection has character
It does! That’s a great reminder that I really need to start doing for myself.
WOW I am very similar and I some times feel (no wait always feel) I am the parent not my dad haha… wait that makes sense right… oh dear I am so tired… hello insomnia yet exhausted, it sucks!
Anyhow I love this post, it’s so true and I have learnt or slowly learning (yes the hard way) that perfection is great to aim for, but it actually doesn’t exist and what one person thinks is perfect another does not, so it’s a little subjective really… :-/
It makes perfect sense. I need to realize that while I can try to be perfect, I won’t get there. Otherwise I’m just setting myself up for failure.
That’s a great goal. Freedom from feeling like you need to be perfect, and just enjoy life as it is. I think in a way a lot of people struggle with that, and you gave some great examples that at least I personally can relate with.
I feel like a lot of us can relate to this. It’s something we can all continue to work on.
Love this post!! Definitely something that I struggle with but wish that I struggled with more when it comes to school
haha
Haha oh man I get to the point where I stress myself out so much with school that I literally psych myself out and it doesn’t go well anyways!
Great post! I think we’re a lot alike and I spent most of my time in college being busy, studying, and running. I did however have one “off” year that I just lived. I’m not sure what happened, but my junior year was spent going out more, meeting new people, sleeping in, and even studying and running a little bit
. It was totally unlike me. I ended up going back to a more routine lifestyle my senior year (more because I had a thesis to write and grad school apps) but I am so glad I let loose my junior year– I look back at it fondly!
I hope you’re able to challenge yourself to be more spontaneous. When I start to feel like I’m in a rut, I try to accept all opportunities that come my way. I figure the worst thing that can happen is I won’t like something and then I can go home but there’s the potential to meet new people or find a new, fun activity to try. Have you read MWF Seeking BFF? It’s about making new friends but the author’s lifestyle is incredibly spontaneous and in the moment, it was an inspiration to read about and has helped me open up.
Wow that’s nice to know that sometimes it’s possible to just let go and enjoy life. I definitely have waves of it but I’m not very good at it yet. There’s hope for me yet! My parents are constantly reminding me that the worst thing that can happen isI don’t like it but I won’t know until I try. I need to read that book! It’s been on my kindle list for months!
Ahhh, I love it. You said it perfectly with the way you opened the post. I find that I sometimes beat myself up for not being happy all the time or for showing my emotions. But that’s not realistic and that’s the wonderful thing. Everyone can benefit from being a little less hard on themselves. Remember as you veer away from this perfection cycle to be easy on yourself. It’s easy to think “Ugh, I’m trying to be perfect again, that’s wrong!” but that in itself is another attempt at perfection. I hope that makes sense – it’s a little word heavy.
Have a great day, Sarah!
No it makes perfect sense! we just need to let it all go and be ourselves. we’ll be much happier that way. I hope your tuesday is going swimmingly
I feel ya, girl. I am so caught up on being PERFECT (looking, eating, work, etc.) that it is taking a toll on all that I do as well as my otherwise flawless relationship with my boyfriend.
We need to stop striving for perfection and BE US.
I know too well how it can ruin relationships. Hopefully we’ll get there soon!
The older I get the more I’m ok with not being perfect. This wasn’t the case when I was a kid, teenager or even young adult. My parents always worried about me to include my eating habits because, let’s face it, eating is something very easily controlled by someone who has control freak qualities. I can honestly say that my quality of life has increased substantially since I’ve embraced the ‘it’s ok’ attitude. I feel like I say this with almost all of you posts, but I really loved this one. You’re great at introducing though provoking topics into people’s lives. Kudos to you!
Thanks girl! Eating is certainly the easiest way to “take control” of your life when it feels like it’s getting out of hand. Maybe I need to jump on the bandwagon with some of Alex’s “it’s ok” posts. It might help.
Holy smokes, girl, pretty sure we wrote almost the exact same post today haha. Get out of my brain!
Kidding, kidding. But yeah, I feel you 1000% on all of this. Seriously, so much of this is exactly how I am.
I had a lot more that I was going to comment on this, but I’m not entirely sure I want it all to be out there for the whole Internet to see, so I think I’m just going to go ahead and e-mail you instead
I know I read your post today and thought the same thing! Please do email me
I love feeling like I have friends 
I totally agree with everyone above me – perfection doesn’t exist but happiness does, and that’s something you should strive for. I, like you, have a very perfectionist type of personality and it drives me bonkers whenever something doesn’t go “right” aka how I envision it going in my head… But over the years after many frustrations, I’ve learned from myself and others, that things happen the way they are suppsoed to and not everything is in my control. Letting go and “losing control” was the hardest thing for me to get over, but once I did, I truly and completely started living my life… I know that you’ll do the same because it’s apparent that you want to
Thanks girl! It seems like so many people were able to let that go after college which is really nice to hear. It means there’s hope for me yet
You go girl
This is a great challenge for you, me, and everyone else who feels the same! I’ve been working on this over the past few months, too, and it makes life so much better, love. It’s not easy and it doesn’t always happen/work like we want it to, but it does get better and easier with time. I think you’ll be amazed with how much lighter/happier you feel…although I have to say, I’ve seen some progress in this already in your eats. You’ve been pushing yourself to try some new things there, which is wonderful! Just need to start incorporating that in the rest of your life, which I know you can do 
Here if you need to chat!
I think that was my first step and I’m now moving into other areas of my life. Or trying to, at least! I’ve noticed it with you too. Look at us, two peas in a pod in our matching neon outfits learning how to let go and live a little!
Yet it is still so difficult to look past these ideas when they seem to be marketed towards us in the magazines and media. I was going through all of my old magazines (yes, I am a pack rat and had some Fitness editions from ’09) and they portray all these skinny models for their exercises when I know that even when I follow the exercises and food plans, it doesn’t work that way. But I am SO down to put it all aside. I just need daily (hourly?) reminders
I’ve faced this sort of battle since high school (maybe before, I just remember it in HS) and the need to be happy and perfect. My parents would tell me to be happy, but no clue how I could achieve that. I think I try to read quotes about how to appreciate myself and what I bring to the table. Easier said than done, but I guess if you hear it enough and the positivity and reminders like yours, it starts to happen.
It’s hardest to realize this, but what I have found harder, is to find people who also want to break free from it. Ok, granted I have found all y’all but physically near me
You know? People who understand and want to hang out rather than just a 5 minute conversation in class. Ok rant finished. Have a fab day 
well pretty soon we’ll be physically closer in proximity… relatively speaking! But I need hourly reminders too. Luckily I have a couple awesome blends that will do that for me when we text constantly! And I’m happy to do that with you too, of course
One day we’ll believe it. We know what we need to do, we just need to get there.
I can relate 100% girl. My whole blog is about my issues with perfectionism, actually.
Sometimes, I think I have a hold on things, like I am not trying to make everything so perfect, but then I take a step back and think, “Who am I kidding?” I am always trying to make everything perfect. It’s ingrained in us somehow, as humans. It’s annoying to overcome yourself and your thoughts. It’s annoying and hard, but it’s possible.
Focus on the good in life & you WILL be happy
I know I’m so happy I found your blog! I feel like I can relate to so much of what you say! I’m constantly shocked by how powerful our brains are. One day we’ll get there! It’s just a matter of time.
I’m with you!! I think I have both type A and type B because I feel like I let go a lot, but then at times I do get very perfectionist and anxious about stuff. At least it’s balanced right? Or so I tell myself haha.
That’s the perfect balance! Teach me your secrets
This is a great change in thinking! What is your first challenge? Who is holding you accountable?
Those are some great thoughts! I’ll have to remember them.
Before I started grad school, I was terrified. Striving for perfection as an undergrad made me come home a stressed and to say the least, a hot mess! I took out my stress on my family, the people I love the most. Each day, I’m working on living life a little bit more by taking time for myself, giving my loved ones an extra squeeze, and going out more.
Your post brought me to tears! Life is so wonderful and it’s nice to just sit back and enjoy the ride sometimes. Kate at Quarter Century Southern Living talked about living life in the moment the other day on her blog and not following a to do list for the weekend- I love that!
All of these posts are serving as great reminders to live, love, and laugh!
I’m letting go with you!
It’s good to know that a) I’m not the only one out there and b) that for a lot of bloggers, life got better after they graduated. Thanks for sharing this story! I’m hoping that I can slowly but surely learn to let go once in awhile too
Holy crap. I feel like I could have written this!! I’m that “perfectionist” type too, and honestly? Being THAT hard on myself is miserable and lonely. Working hard and making an effort are obviously good things – and they lead to future careers and success – but it should never be at the expense of your happiness. I definitely learned that the hard way – I really wasn’t able to LIVE my life like a normal college student until senior year…kind of sad. And yeah it was so hard, but so worth it! You can get good grades, be healthy and fit, run PR’s – and you can have fun too
it’s all about balance, and I’m super pumped you’ve recognized this about yourself and are goin to try and change it – I can’t wait to see where you take it! 
Hopefully my senior year I’ll learn to live… that’s when it’s supposed to get fun! I’m ready for the balance of work and play. That’s what college is SUPPOSED to be about!
LOVE this!! This is something I’ve been working on since I began the recovery process last November. It’s something so incredibly simple, yet painfully difficult at the same time. Letting go. Of the ‘shoulds,’ ‘can’t's,’ ‘always,’ and ‘nevers.’ Once you do though, you realize what an absolute hell you were living. It’s really a suffocating way to live. It sucks the fun out of anything enjoyable. Plans, schedules, rules, and rigidity are only remnants of our ED in disguise. They’re another ‘sneaky’ way that ED punishes us. No rest, relaxation, off days, or mistakes allowed. ED no longer has a place in your life. Don’t you think it’s taken enough from you already? <3 I know you'll get through this xo
It’s so difficult. That ED makes it even worse. I actually had these tendencies long before my ED but they definitely stuck out more. I SHOULD be allowed to make mistakes. It’s time to kick that pesky guy out once and for all. Thanks girl <3
Sarah, I am so proud of you for 1. opening up to all of us, and sharing your story, and 2. being honest with YOURSELF. Knowing that only you can make the change, and working to achieve those goals.
You may not be perfect, no one is, but you are an unbelievable individual Sarah. You are caring, sweet, and determined. I know personally, I am so blessed to of “met” you through this crazy blogging world. You’ve given me advice, and have listened to me vent. I cannot thank you enough for that!
Continue working on your flaws, and becoming the best person you can be
<3
Thanks girl! Nobody’s perfect, not even me. I’m so glad we became friends- it’s nice to have people who can relate to us in the blog world and hopefully eventually in real life too! Well, not hopefully… we WILL! In 24 days
I wanted to give you a different look at your Type A personality and where it might be coming from. Being a perfectionist is something I struggle with, too, and have only been starting to get a grasp on this year, so hopefully I might get you thinking a bit with this comment.. I know I’m young, but this is just a topic I’m really trying to understand and spend a lot of time thinking about!
…
As soon as I started taking risks and started allowing myself to be okay with being just a little less than “perfect”, I remember one of my first thoughts/worries being about me taking this new attitude too far and slipping up so badly that I wouldn’t be able to fix things if I wanted to. And going into that a bit more, I started to wonder WHY I was so afraid of slipping up, because it’s not just about my fear of not being “perfect”.. I feel like everyone KNOWS that perfection is unattainable– so my problem is something else, and WITH someone else.
When people talk about their eating disorders, there’s always a mention of a “voice” talking down on you all the time. It usually speaks up when you take risks in certain areas of your life, but sometimes it just speaks up all the time because it wants you to LIVE a certain life. In my case, it was the latter.
So what’s the life that I SHOULD be living? And what’ll happen/who do I REALLY think would be disappointed if I don’t do things the way I “should” be?
After further reflection, I realized that all this time, I’ve really been afraid of disappointing my parents or getting them so upset with me that they start to think of me as an accident. Because I was born when my mom was about to go through menopause, and they weren’t expecting me at all; so sometimes I feel like my birth forced them to work a lot harder than they should have been at that age. And that I kept them from retiring at a younger age, so that they could pay for my schooling and everything else. So it’s no wonder that pretty much all my life, I’ve been thinking about what I could do to “repay” them and been thinking about being the “best” or most “perfect” version of myself so that my birth was “worth it”.
My perfectionist attitude came from my insecurity that maybe my birth WASN’T worth it. And my fear that my parents regret having me in the first place. I try to be perfect so that they’ll want to have me and so that I can feel like there isn’t any reason for me NOT to be wanted. And that if I “fail”, maybe I can catch myself by saying that I tried my best…
My point is, I feel like this whole perfectionist thing is a defense-mechanism we have to deal with our deepest fears of not being good enough for something. I know I got into a lot of really heavy stuff with this comment (I think I might actually copy & paste it into a post.. lol), but I feel like it’s the really deep stuff that we’re not even aware is a problem (I swear, this comment was actually the first time I had these thoughts and opened up about it.. And it’s cool yet scary to realize all of this baggage that I’m actually carrying) that causes us to act this way in the first place.
I’m not asking you to come out about any traumatizing events in your life or any extremely personal stuff like I just did, because that ^^ was completely unexpected. But I’m hoping that this comment helps you in some way and gets you thinking about the real reason why you feel the need to be perfect or good enough. It’s probably a lot different from mine, but it’s just as important to you as mine is to me. I really hope I didn’t sound obnoxious or preachy in my comment.. But I hope I helped and sparked some thought!
If you want more help with these things.. I’d recommend listening to the Jillian Michael’s Podcast on iTunes. I’ve gotten A LOT of help from listening to some of her episodes!
Anyway, I’m sorry again for the extremely long comment! But I just had to get my thoughts out and kind of get the idea out there that maybe we’re not JUST striving for perfection so that we can BE perfect. We know it’s a hopeless cause, so there IS a reason why we try it anyway.
Wow girl. Thank you for sharing all of this. I’m sure it took a lot to hit post on that one- I know it would have for me. But you’re totally right. It really is often about the need to please someone. For me, I’m always trying to make my parents proud which is insane because they’ve never given a reason to believe they AREN’T proud. But I was brought up with this need to obey and please them. I’m not sure which comes first, though. Often a first born child is more likely to be type A perfectionist, that’s what the studies show. But there is definitely something deeper going on when it begins taking over your life.
Thank you for this insightful comment. I hope it helped you realize some things about yourself as well <3
Monday was marvelous because my husband had the day off. I love that friends episode with Ross hahah
Aw that does sound marvelous!!
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So happy to hear you no longer try to live by “perfection” rules… whatever those may be! Continue to try to enjoy life! It’s the only one we get
Thanks!! I’m working on it for sure
You remind me so much of myself.
Just like you – I’m not very easy going (not care free, not relaxed). I put myself in a vice of controlled activity, regimes, etc. I wanted to achieve, excel and I wanted to have control of everything to not let anything interfere with that.
I got me far, but then I crashed, burned and now am here, recovering slowly. I’m in the progress part, which is great, but it’s hard. Perfection doesn’t exist, and I am working through ingraining that into my body, heart and soul. As long as I’m moving forward in life (progressing) I am doing well! It seems easy in theory, but you and I know it’s easier said that done.
The fact that you are recognizing this is awesome, because being self-aware is one of the hardest parts of figuring out how to actually LIFE your life. You can do it. Have no expectations, take it slow, and be open to learning.
Always here to chat if you’d ever like someone to vent to, or run thoughts by!
Thank you so much for sharing all of this with me! I guess my question would be… how did you get to where you are now? Feel free to shoot me an email if you’d rather
pickyrunner@gmail.com
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