Last month I posted about my 2 year blogiversary. Today I’m saying goodbye for now. I need a little break, something I’ve never done before. Some people knew this was coming, others may be surprised. Longtime readers probably suspected this day would come eventually as I went from posting 7 days a week to 3-4 days and my commenting began to taper off. I’d like to say my reasoning is complicated, but it’s not.
I’m burnt out.
As I said last month, blogging completely changed my life and I don’t regret any of it. When I first started blogging, I needed it. I was lost at school, didn’t feel like I fit in with the college social life, struggling with an eating disorder, and forming an identity outside of swimming. Blogging gave me an outlet, it gave me friends that understood, and it gave me happiness. I found my niche and I loved coming up with posts to write every day. I loved reading comments, writing my own, and interacting with other bloggers. It was a full time job with virtually no benefits, but it was addicting and I loved it. I still love it.
Obviously blogging has its negatives too, but it never made me question whether or not it was worth it. The occasional judgement stung and there are certainly triggering bloggers out there, but for every negative comment or “recovered” blogger, there were hundreds of other positive, truly inspirational people online willing to offer their advice and support. At first I was absolutely sucked into the comparison trap and feeling like I was never doing “enough.” I think a lot of people are. That being said, the positives to blogging far outweigh the negatives. I truly believe it helped me in more ways than one.
I don’t know what changed but I think spending my summers on the boat helped me unplug and pull away from the blog world. I stopped living my life through social media. Obviously I was still very much “plugged in” but I also spent a lot more time offline. And I enjoyed life so much more.
I began toying with the idea of stepping away from the blog world over the summer when I realized I was happier spending less time online. I didn’t want to sit in the library writing posts when I could be hanging out with the dockboys. I didn’t want to take pictures of every little thing I did just so I could talk about it later. I just wanted to live my life in the present.
Once I moved back to Baltimore, I was busy. We didn’t have internet for the first week we moved into our apartment so I obviously couldn’t blog much. Then when we did get internet, I was used to living without so my computer sat untouched. I spend 9 hours a day on the computer at work, the last thing I want to do is open my laptop when I get home. So I don’t.
I’ve done some pretty cool things since I moved back here- attended a sponsored wedding, went to a Orioles/Yankees game, took the water taxi, saw a concert at PowerPlant, spent the day being touristy in DC, had dinner at the Four Seasons with an old friend, visited with my aunt, and saw Iggy Azalea, to name a few. But when it was time to write my weekend recaps, I didn’t know what to say. I could talk about each one in detail (I was there, after all), but I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep those things to myself and the people I was with. I don’t have a ton of pictures to show for these events because I was there living in the moment, not trying to document as much as I could so I could write about it later.
As much as I love blogging, I don’t need it the same way I once did. I needed to write out my frustrations, my struggles, and my uncertainties. I needed those connections I had made. I needed the reassurance and I needed people to tell me they understood. Writing posts felt like a therapy of sorts. Then suddenly I was happy with my life and I didn’t need it anymore. And that happiness is coming from my real life, not from my life on the internet.
Today I’m flying home for a week to be with my family. I don’t want to worry about scheduling posts or replying to comments while I’m away. I haven’t been in New Hampshire since mid-July. I want to enjoy my week offline. And when I get back, I’m going to want to spend time with my roommates, friends, and boyfriend for a few weeks before I head home for another 2 weeks at Christmas. This is the perfect time for me to say
goodbye see you later to this world I’ve been a part of for several years.
I’ve had some pretty amazing experiences as a result of blogging, but I’m ready to go back to being a silent reader for awhile. This is not goodbye forever, but it’s a goodbye for now. I’m not taking the blog down and I’m not disappearing from social media (still on twitter and instagram with a new name), I just need a break. A vacation of sorts. I’m ready to live my life 100% for me without worrying about how to turn it into good blog content.
When I’m back, there will likely be some changes coming. Less talk about the personal stuff and “what I did this weekend” and more about races, events in and around Baltimore, reviews, and November Project (they should hire me as their full time promoter). Of course I can’t get rid of all personal touches- I get really bored reading (and writing) posts without daily life woven in. But I also don’t want my entire life documented online anymore. It’s weird when my online friends know more about what’s going with me than my own mother.
It’s been an amazing two years, but it’s time to spend the next little while offline. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for but my guess is I’ll be back after the holiday season. So thank you, blog world, for helping me find that happiness. Because without Picky Runner, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Happy holidays and see you in 2015!!