TOL: Hello Weekend

Happy Thursday which is really like Friday for most of us! Since I don’t really have time for any introductions today and everyone in blogland knows what Thursdays are all about, let’s jump into thinking out loud.

See? Jumping into TOL ;)

See? Jumping into TOL yesterday at November Project ;)

1) This week man. I’m surprised I’m making it out alive. Well, assuming I make it through today. End of quarter is always ROUGH in advertising. We’re dealing with the beginning of a new month (ads that run all month), the beginning of a new quarter (ads that run all quarter), plus any changes to existing campaigns that run random weeks throughout the year, AND throw July 4th in there to create one giant sh!tstorm of ads that need to be trafficked. I’ve been working extra hours all week and if I’m out of here before 8pm tonight it will be a miracle despite it being a half day for the rest of the company.

Just need to keep remembering the work perks

Just need to keep remembering the work perks

2) Next week my boss is in Boston for a leadership conference without access to phone/email. Because of all the changes recently, guess who’s the next in line and becomes the point of contact while she’s out? Yep. So not only will I be doing my usual work of trafficking campaigns, I’ll also be the one that has to escalate any issues people on my team are having, putting down hard deadlines, and answering questions from the newer folks. Two crazy weeks in a row. Vacation cannot come soon enough.

3) Said vacation is in EIGHT DAYS FROM TODAY. I cannot believe it’s finally here. This has been in the works for several months now and when Tim and I first threw out the idea of him coming up north with me, I didn’t think it would actually happen. But it’s happening (well, for the first 4 days at least). Plans are falling into place and I’ve been dreaming of a glorious 10 days up in New England to get me through the past few months.

so close

so close

4) You guys blew me away with the support on the instagram I posted the other day. I’m not usually an advocate of #transformationtuesday posts, but I felt this strong desire to share for once. I’ve never shared photos of what I looked like at my worst because I don’t want it to be a comparison for anyone. I’m just really proud of how far I’ve come in the past 5 years and while I’ve considered myself to be recovered for over a year now, I’ve loosened up a lot since I graduated. I think it’s important to share those “reverse transformation” pictures in a culture filled with thin privilege. I may weigh significantly more than I did back then, but I’m healthy. Now I’m filled with love and ice cream and my mom doesn’t worry about whether or not I’m capable of feeding myself. That’s a pretty great feeling.

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5) Since I never did a formal “weekend recap” this week, I’ll share now. Tim was dogsitting this weekend but had a late meeting Friday so I got there first to let the dogs out. Well, when I went to let them back in, this is what I found. I waited a few minutes because I couldn’t stop laughing. This flying squirrel move went on for several minutes.

caleb6) We also went on a bike ride Sunday morning. I’ve been waking up exhausted lately regardless of how much sleep I get so I was struggling before, during, and after the bike ride. I was also pretty hangry (lesson learned- eat something before we go even if we’re eating breakfast after) so I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around. 32 miles later=all the hot chocolate.

Capture7) Side note- how do people take pictures and ride a bike at the same time? I don’t understand.

bike8) Saturday was extremely rainy so we pretty much stayed inside the entire time. The only time we ventured out was for breakfast at the mecca of all Whole Foods. The Columbia, MD location is relatively new and they have a bunch of stations for different cuisines in addition to the usual hot bar. I had a bagel but also picked up this whole grain chocolate chip muffin for an afternoon snack. Because you know, napping all afternoon is hard work. The views were pretty great too but we couldn’t go for a walk around the lake because of the torrential downpours. Next time.

WF9) We’re back with the dogs again this weekend. They’re pretty cute. I’m not even one of those people that is OMG SO OBSESSED WITH DOGS but it’s hard not to laugh when this guy is sticking his nose in your face.

caleb10) Tonight I’m driving down to DC after work (assuming I get out at a reasonable hour) because I have tomorrow off and no plans. So I figure I’ll bounce around the district a bit, maybe do some shopping, and probably go for a long run somewhere. If anyone lives in/near DC and wants to hang out with me let me know! I have a lot of hours to kill :)

11) My friend Dave is having a giveaway for a Nike Fuelband on his blog! Go check it out!

img_4988Is your job stressful at certain times of the month/year?

What are your plans for July 4th?

How do you feel about transformation pictures?

WIAW: A Day in the Life

Ummmm happy JULY? I can’t believe I’m saying that already. Are we sure it wasn’t snowing a few days ago?

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a Day in the Life post. I wouldn’t exactly call this day “normal” for me but it isn’t abnormal either. Last Thursday was a good example of a day that wasn’t exactly nutritious, but I’m 100% okay with that. I don’t label foods as cheats, treats, or the like anymore. It’s just food. That’s it. So here’s my WIAW that may not look healthy, but it’s part of maintaining a balanced lifestyle for me.

5:30am- wake up for no reason, lay in bed for a couple hours half dozing, half watching Pretty Little Liars. I also realized I accidentally posted something I wasn’t meant to so I took that back down and finished up the post I wanted to actually go live.

8:00am- finally start moving. Get up, put some laundry away, get dressed for the day, chat with my roommates for a few minutes before they leave for work, and clean up a bit around my room. P.s. I got a new duvet cover. LOVE.

duvet8:35am– walk to work. Yes, this is actually my life.

morning commute8:50am- arrive at 7-eleven, chat with my favorite employee there while I fill up my hot chocolate.

9:00am- put my things down at my desk, check my email, do a quick creative swap, and go make my bagel and fill my water bottle.

breakfast9:10am- eat my bagel, send some emails, clean up issues from the night before. Three people in the office have birthdays so one of the directors brought in cupcakes. I don’t generally crave sweet things in the morning (besides hot chocolate) but decide they look too good to pass up so instead of saving it for later, I have one as my second breakfast.

2cupcakes9:30am- first meeting of the day to go over launches, campaign issues, and hear updates on anything going on in tech. Working at a mobile advertising agency, there’s always system bugs, so it’s not uncommon to discuss issues or campaigns currently running.

10:00am- get back to my desk, say hi to my coworkers that are just arriving (they come in an hour later than me and leave an hour later), walk to Starbucks with them. I’m not a fan of Starbucks so I just go for the walk.

10:30am- start doing some launches and creative swaps, interacting with our 3rd party contract team in India, and going about my daily routine.

12:00pm- walk home, get some things I need for after work, enjoy some fresh air and sunshine after sitting at a desk all morning.

1:00pm- team lunch. One of the sales reps bought us pizza and beer for working really hard on a bunch of high-priority launches. There were a few intense weeks where we had a ton of launches coming over after the deadline keeping us late every Friday night. Whenever things like this happen, the sales reps like to thank us.

pizza2:00pm- company-wide meeting to go over Q2 revenue. I chat with one of the CS people while we’re in there. Nothing too exciting and most of it doesn’t apply to me but it’s nice to see the bigger picture of the company.

3:30pm- another meeting to go over recent tech updates and new products being released

4:30pm- Red, White, and Blue happy hour! We have themed happy hours once a month or so (last month was Preakness) where they have games, prizes, raffles, food, alcohol/kegs, etc. It’s a really great way for the different departments to bond, especially when we don’t interact with them on a regular basis. I still had some work to do so I snacked on blueberries while I was launching the last few campaigns of the evening.

6:00pm- walk home, get my car, drive to the suburbs to dogsit with Tim.

7:00pm- arrive at their house, take the dogs for a quick walk and eat some leftover veggies to tide me over.

dogsitting8:00pm– eat dinner. STARVING by this point. Tim made quesadillas again. I also ate some ice cream to wash it all down.

reused from last weekend. you get the idea9:00pm– watch an episode of Scandal. I’m hooked. He’s still not so sure about it.

10:00pm– sleep.

This was one of those days at work where you spend so much time in meetings that everything you need to get done is delayed which makes the end of the day really stressful. It was also one of those days that maybe doesn’t appear as “healthy” as other days where I’m eating lots of salads and fruit at my meals and exercising in the morning but we need those days sometimes. A year ago I couldn’t have had a day like this. I would have panicked at the idea of having a cupcake after breakfast, or a work happy hour with foods that I wouldn’t normally eat before dinner. The next day I ate a lot of fruits and veggies, ate a more reasonable amount of sugar, and ran 10 miles because that’s what I was craving. I don’t track what I eat and I don’t base my diet on how much exercise I get that day. In the end, it all balances out.

Sometimes I look back and question how I could improve my nutrition. But then I remember that this is what my healthy looks like. And my healthy is not your healthy, or your neighbor’s healthy. It’s mine. My healthy includes plenty of desserts and vegetables, lots of carbs, and some fats and protein. I don’t follow an 80:20 diet, or a 90:10, or a 60:40, or a 50:50. I follow what my body wants, when it wants it.

What does your typical day look like?

Black and White

I have to run 7 days a week or I’ll gain weight.

If I’m going to eat one cookie, I might as well eat them all. Plus a pint of ice cream because I already blew it.

I slept in today and don’t have time to workout so now I have to do double tomorrow.

I don’t know 100% of the material so I’m going to fail this exam.

I messed up one campaign so they’re going to fire me.

She didn’t smile at me when I said hello, she must hate me.

He’s not responding to my texts, he’s going to think I’m clingy/desperate.

These jeans are too tight, I need to reign in my eating.

French fries are bad for me so I can never eat them.

These are all black and white statements. There is no grey area with any of them. For most of my life, I’ve struggled with accepting the grey area. Just because we went out for dinner and ate a burger and fries doesn’t mean we’re suddenly unhealthy and need to restrict the next day. It also doesn’t mean we need to “throw in the towel” and eat all the foods because we’ve already ruined our meal plan for the day/week/month. Just because we skipped a workout doesn’t mean we’re screwed for marathon training.

Life is not black and white. Life is about the grey areas.

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I have a very analytical brain. That’s why math and science were my strengths- the answer was either right or wrong. There was no grey area. If you asked me to interpret a piece of literature? I’d stare anxiously at a blank page for hours because I didn’t know the “right” way to respond. I needed page limits and specific guidelines.

Eventually that outlook caught up with me and manifested itself through an eating disorder I struggled with for 4+ years. I could either eat only healthy food or I could eat nothing but “junk.” I could either run 15 miles or run none. There were no short runs, or treats balanced with nutrient-dense meals. It was all or nothing. And for someone with highly competitive tendencies, it spiraled out of control quickly and suddenly any indulgences or rest days disappeared. Black and white.

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When I entered recovery, I’ve said before that my dietitian warned me I’d probably struggle with “binging” as a reaction to years of restricting. I laughed. Until it happened. I have never felt so out of control in my life. The more I tried to reign my eating back in through restricting food or running far too many miles, the more my body rebelled and I lost control again. What I didn’t realize is that it wasn’t me losing control, it was my eating disorder. And I needed those binges to happen to fully recover.

As I was struggling with this taboo phase of recovery, my clothes started to fit snugger than they ever had before. I weighed more than I ever had in my entire life. In my mind, I wasn’t healthy, I was overweight. And desperate to get back to a place I was more comfortable. In reality, I was not overweight, I was healthy, and I was getting closer to a stable place. It took going through this low period to understand.

I’ve mentioned before that struggling with yet another injury due to years of overexercising in January 2014 was my breaking point. I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I started by forcing myself to take time off running until I was healed. I wasn’t at a point where I would take full rest days, but I didn’t do anything to irritate my leg. Because of my black and white mindset, I also did a total 180 on my food outlook. If I wanted to eat an entire jar of cookie butter, or a giant slice of cake, I’d let myself eat it. No questions asked. Suddenly the temptation to binge wasn’t there anymore because my body finally trusted that I’d let it eat what it wanted, when it wanted. I started craving salads just as often as I craved ice cream (where I’m at now).

Here’s the most interesting part of eating disorder recovery: the more I let myself eat whatever I wanted, the faster my weight settled back to what was normal for my body. I don’t know exactly what that number is because I’ve been weighed once in the past three years, but I do know that my clothes fit a little less snug even though I “indulge” more often now than I did pre-ED. I eat ice cream almost daily, enjoy burgers and fries often, balance salads with pizza, and never, EVER track what I’m eating.

My appetite comes and goes, not because I’m trying to gain or lose weight, but because of the weather, stress, happiness, that time of the month, and other normal things those without a history of disordered eating experience. I take more rest days now than I ever have. I like to move and I like to eat, but those two things do not go hand in hand anymore.

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YES, I will have to watch myself for the rest of my life to make sure I don’t slip back into disordered tendencies, but I can honestly say that it is possible to find peace with food. There is room for ice cream in your diet every single night if you want it. It doesn’t mean you’re going to eat the entire pint (although you might, and that’s perfectly okay).

So while I might still be a “work in progress” when it comes to my black and white outlook on life, my eating and exercise habits are not black and white anymore. All it takes is a willingness to let go and trust your body.

Do you struggle with looking at things as black and white, right or wrong? 

Training 6/21-6/27

I decided to cut back to 3 days of running this week. Each of those three runs were in the double digits so the mileage was pretty much the same and I felt like I needed an extra day off. I was moving Tim into his new apartment last weekend and we walked about 12 miles according to his iPhone app plus we were carrying heavy boxes and furniture for a solid 12 hours so my body was extremely tired in a way I’m not used to feeling. I’m pretty good about figuring out when I need a break and this week seemed like a good time to rest a bit more than normal. I’ll have one more week with my mileage in the 35ish range before I bring it down for a couple weeks before the half marathon.

Sun– OFF

I woke up Sunday morning with an extremely sore back and shoulders, couldn’t extend my arms, and my legs felt like lead from moving on Saturday. We went for a long walk after breakfast and lifted a few more heavy pieces of furniture, but for the most part it was a rest day.

Mon– 12 miles untimed

I took Saturday and Sunday off from all formal exercise and was itching to run. My legs weren’t sore so I decided to go for my usual Monday morning long run when I got home from DC. I stupidly went out at 10:30am and ran until a little after noon- of course I chose the hottest part of the day on one of the hottest days of the year to put the miles in. It’s no wonder nobody else was out running at the same time as me…

Tues– OFF

The temperature reached 98 degrees- the highest we’ve seen yet this summer. I skipped my lunchtime walk home in favor for going out with my coworkers and stayed inside for pretty much the entire day.

Wed– 10 miles November Project Sunrise 6K (24:23) + yoga

I could write an entire race recap about the Sunrise 6K but I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. I ran 3 miles to the workout as a warmup and 3 miles home as my cooldown. For the actual race, I knew I would run faster than I did in January for two reasons: 1) there wasn’t ice on the ground, and 2) I wasn’t in racing shape then so I ran for fun with my friend. I decided to push it this past week and knew who I needed to beat. Unfortunately I’m just not as far as the girl that won last time so I ended up as 3rd female, but I held my own. The first mile I ran a 6:17. I felt good. Mile 2 I started to fall apart but also had to weave in and out of people who were still heading towards the turnaround point (it was an out and back twice loop) and ran a 6:40. Mile 3 was a 6:56 and I was riding the pain train, but I think I did pick it up a bit on the last 3/4 of a mile because I felt faster and my average pace ended up being a 6:40, or 24:23 overall. I felt like I was going to collapse at the end but I guess that’s how you’re supposed to feel after a race.

Of course I went to yoga at work later in the afternoon.

npThurs– OFF

I kind of wanted to run but I promised myself I wouldn’t so I stayed in bed a little longer.

Fri– 10 miles November Project

I totally forgot I convinced one of my best friends from school to come downtown to try out a November Project workout so when I got there Friday morning I was really excited. I ran with Troy and Dave for the majority of the hills and did one one my own before the workout started. We were supposed to do “Indian Sprints” but I just wasn’t feeling it so we pretty much just ran the hills and did a few pushups in between. Third double digit run of the week=my legs felt fried by the end.CaptureSat26 miles biking OFF

We were supposed to go for a long bike ride yesterday morning but the rain derailed our plans. Netflix day instead.

Total– 32 miles running, 1 yoga class, FOUR full rest days

I wasn’t planning on cutting way back this week, it just happened. I don’t plan out my workouts anymore but I do have a rough idea. Looking back, this was absolutely necessary for me. I’ve been working my body pretty hard and haven’t had a lot of “full” rest days because I’ve been biking/yoga-ing/etc. when I’m not running. So to actually do nothing on those days off was kind of nice. I usually take 1-2 full days off a week and that works for me, but every so often we need more of a break and that’s okay too. It’s all about being intuitive and truly honoring the way your body feels.

Never go back, only forward

No intro today. Just some thinking out loud with our friend Amanda.

1) My grandmother and I email back and forth every week. She always has some really great words of advice and I especially liked this one when I told her I was missing being in Rhode Island (I used to have dinner with them twice a week when I was living on the boat because they were a few towns over). She’s a smart lady.

unnamed2) It is hot with a capital H this week in Baltimore. As in, I woke up already sweating even with the A/C on and every time you walk outside it’s tough to breathe. I don’t know how you people do it that live in the south! It hit 98 degrees on Tuesday and I felt like I was going to die. I declared it a rest day before I even woke up.

3) After last week’s extremely social nights, I took it easy this week. Monday I talked to one of my good friends on the phone, Tuesday I laid in bed reading, and last night I was dogsitting with Tim–> which doesn’t really count as being social in my book because that doesn’t take effort and all we did was eat ice cream and watch scandal. My kind of night.

4) Yesterday we did the Sunrise 6K at November Project. The last time we did it there was ice on the ground and I was still building a base aka I ran it easy. But I wanted to race yesterday, so I did. The weather was finally cooler and not as humid as it has been which made for perfect racing weather. Unsurprisingly, I did run faster than last time (by about 3 minutes) so that was good. I don’t have much to compare to though because the 6Ks I used to run for cross country in college were in the trails which is a lot different than running on a flat promenade. My time was 24:23 for a 6:40 pace and my best time in college was a 25:25. I can’t complain about that.

np5) I officially signed up for the half marathon I’m running in July with Emily. I put it off for awhile because I didn’t want to jinx myself and end up paying for a race I couldn’t run due to injuries. I plan on racing this for real, although we’ll see what happens while I’m home on vacation. Anything can happen and I’m not going to spend the whole week I’m home leading up to the race focusing on it. I’m going to focus on seeing as many friends as I can, eating all my favorite foods, and showing Tim why RI/Boston is/are the greatest place(s) in the world).

narragansettt6) In exactly 15 days I’ll be making the long drive home (with Tim) for vacation! We’re staying in Boston for the weekend and then heading to Jamestown/#boatlife for the rest of the time. So. freaking. excited. That being said– he’s never been to Boston sooooo I need your best ideas because I have to convince him it’s the greatest city in the world.

7) My friends from home have been snapchatting me from the beach. Keep rubbing it in guys. Keep rubbing it in.

unnamed38) My snack drawer at work is looking pretty good right now. Somehow I haven’t managed to do much damage with it yet this week because we’ve had a lot of team lunches. But next week when the sh!t hits the fan again for end of quarter/month/july 4th, every single one of those bags of cheez-its and zbars will be gone.

unnamed29) The storm we had here on Tuesday night was insane. I was going to stay and do a few more campaigns at work but then the sky turned completely black. All I wanted to do was have Kilwins for dinner but I was worried I wouldn’t make it the extra two blocks to the shop before the downpours started so I went straight home instead. It turns out that was the smart thing to do because the second I went inside the sky opened up. Oh the joys of walking to/from work.

unnamed10) I feel like I had nothing to say this week. So today’s post was pretty pointless. If you accidentally saw another post I had started to write in your feed this morning, sorry, it’s coming back once I finish editing it. I accidentally scheduled it for the wrong day. My B.

Favorite snacks for your office?

Favorite thing to do in Boston?

I know what I enjoy doing in Boston, but I need this to be the most epic trip ever. So I need help.